DEEP THOUGHTS ON DAX IN DALLAS

I've back from Dallas to see Dax and it was everything that I hoped it would be. I both laughed and cried during the 2.5 hour show. That's likely more telling of my emotional instability than his performance, #bipolar, but still. 

I had a four hour drive back to Houston this morning to consider what it is about Dax's show last night, and his podcast at-large, that I find so compelling. This is what I came up with....

Connection..

I'm starving for connection. (I think we all are.)

I'm also lonely. (I think we all are?!)

It'd be convenient to blame my feeling this way on the fact that I'm single AF, #neat, but I don't know that it's that simplistic.

We tend to think of lonely people as isolated. Cat ladies. Widows. The entire population of Anchorage, Alaska.

But I'm not isolated. Anything but. I'm constantly surrounded by humans. Too surrounded. Surrounded and exhausted. If anything, some isolation sounds fantastic. 24 hours without anyone needing, wanting, or asking something of me sounds orgasmic.  (Sorry about that word choice. Did I mention I'm single?)

What I mean when I say, "I'm lonely", is that I'm desperate for someone to see me. 

To see how hard I'm trying. 

To see how scared I am that I'm gonna fuck it up. 

To see how far I've come (so far!) and yet how much farther I have to go. (So far!)

So it's no surprise that a podcast "celebrating the messiness of being human" resonates with me. Hearing Dax talk to anyone, let alone Hollywood's shiniest stars, about the "challenges and setbacks that ultimately lead to growth and betterment" is not only appealing to me, but necessary therapy and connection every time I get in my car. It makes me feel less lonely.

Dax doesn't see me. He doesn't know me. But he validates me with each and every episode he puts out.

Last night at The Majestic Theatre he did just that. Though initially skeptical because the surprise guest was Gordon Keith, #who?, I was quickly won over. Like Dax, Gordon was equal parts hilarious, articulate, and vulnerable.

Dax and Gordon cried too. Mostly from laughing but also when recalling recent poignant moments in their lives with their parents that have passed. I don't remember the context but at one point in the night Dax nodded to something Gordon was saying and said, "life can be just be so incredibly brutal." 

It definitely can be. Thankfully I have Armchair Expert to help get me through.

P.S. Introducing, to the uninitiated, Gordon Keith. Here too.