|Me and my niece at |
Here are the instructions.
1. Have your friend, Megan, ask you to be in her wedding.
2. Buy the dress from David’s Bridal.
3. Have the sales lady at David’s Bridal convince you to get a size 8 even though it seems snug and you are more comfortable with a 10.
4. Experience weekly bouts of nervousness that you won’t fit in the dress and will have to buy a new one.
5. Try on respective dress. If it still fits, binge on Oreos and hummus. (Though that’s just my choice. I’m sure your snack of choice will suffice just fine.)
6. If dress doesn’t fit, don’t eat for 3 days. On evening of third day, when you're in a starvation/delirious state, make anonymous calls to the sales lady at David’s Bridal and tell her you are going to “Bin Laden her ass”. Not having a firm definition on what that means is fine. I’ve found any reference to the word “Bin Laden” when you are transparently angry tends to scare people.