Image Map


Massage Gone Wrong

That's totally me and not a picture I found on the internet.

I decided to treat myself to a massage yesterday – nothing fancy, just a quick, cheap chair massage was all I had in mind. I went to a nail salon that I’ve drove by on numerous occasions that looked decent. I told the Asian lady behind the counter that I wanted a massage. She gave me a nasty look and said in a thick accent, “don’t do massage. Just manicure and pedicure.”

“Huh.” I say. “I guess I was confused by the neon sign on your window that says massage.” I turn around and look to make sure that it was still there. (It was.)

I decided to try somewhere with a more explicit name and business model. I drove over to, Massage Heights, a massage chain that appears to be popular in Houston.

I knew I was in trouble upon meeting my massage therapist. He looked like a Greek Danny Devito.

I took off my shirt and got into the bed. My massage began, as did the talking….talking, talking, talking. Danny Devito gabbed throughout the entirety of my massage. Though I have a lot to choose from, these were some of my favorite quotes.

·         “You need to eat more protein. Not red meat, but perhaps wild cod….as long as it’s not farm raised. Do you like cod?”
·         “Do you feel anything?”
·         “Does it feel good?”
·         “You are very flexible.”
·         “Don’t eat sugar after 3pm…..Do you eat sugar after 3pm?”
·         “You need to be stronger. This is the most important thing in life.”
The random observations and bizarre questions only stopped as he transitioned into trying to schedule my next appointment. Right there on the spot.  Because.. ….what’s more relaxing than a high pressure, sales pitch?

1 comment:

Thanks for commenting on my blog. You're the best!