Michaels Craft Store




Franc

 I was up early Sunday morning. Looking for an alternative to church, I decided to go to Michaels, an errand I’d been meaning to run for months. I decided not to hit up Starbucks on my way there and rather utilize one of our many travel mugs. “Use the $5 for something else.” I told myself pragmatically.  

Michaels was not the productive trip I was hoping it would be. I spent the first 30 minutes searching for the “candle section” that I eventually learned did not exist. I spent the following 30 minutes looking for my travel mug that I must have set down somewhere in the Frame aisle? Fake plant department? Scrapbooking section? No fucking idea! (So instead of saving $5, I’m out $20.)

Now frustrated and angry, I head over to the framing counter to inquire about getting a painting we got at a flea market in China custom framed. You'll never guess who was working!!! Franc, from Father of The Bride! (Okay, obviously it wasn’t really him….but this guy was a spitting image in every possible way.)

I’ve never seen so much enthusiasm or energy about a $6, truly average, piece of art.

Franc put on white gloves to examine my masterpiece. “It’s beautiful!” he exclaims dramatically. “I love how the branch just flows.” He demonstrates a “flowing” action by gracefully extending his left arm.

“Yeahhh…..” I say, trying to reign him in. “So how much is this going to cost?”

Ignoring me, he continues, “It’s just too bad there are all these wrinkles in the painting.” He carefully traces the wrinkles with his gloved pointer finger.

“Well, it’s from China.” I say. “It was hard to get it home in one piece.” I lie, knowing damn well that it had nothing to do with the proximity of its origin...but more to do with the fact that it'd been in the back seat of my car for two months.  The same back seat in which my dog frequents.

Franc finally quoted me a price of $179. I told Franc, in that case, I had to pass which upset him greatly. I attempted to console him, expressing my appreciation for his knowledge, his services,  and his time.  Because Franc still seemed disappointed, I tried changing the subject.


"Soooo, what was it like working with Steve Martin?!"