Megan Checks her Voicemail..

A completely authentic, non-staged, picture of me on my cell phone.

I hate talking on the phone. I really, really hate it. It’s not a reflection on my feelings for the caller. I’m just not a phone person. And even more than that, I hate checking my voicemail. And because I rarely answer my phone, I constantly have an abundance.

This weekend my mailbox reached an all time high of 14 unchecked voicemails. My mailbox automatically closes at 15. I can’t have that. You never know when the Blog Editor of The Houston Press is going to call and offer me a job. (Probably not soon since he just turned me down via email.)

So this weekend I channeled all my willpower and made myself check the 14 voicemails in their entirety. I felt my stress level climbing as I punched in my 4 digit password. (6-9-6-9 …ha!)

Instead of calling everyone back, I’ve decided to address some of the callers in this open forum. I hope no one minds, but I think this will be the most efficient.

To the people who left me voicemails;

Aunt Debbie – Thanks for the birthday wishes! It feels good to be 29. Although, by now, I’m closer to 30. And that's not as great...

Mom – No, I don’t think Danny would want a blender for Christmas…But now that we have one, we use it. I swear!

Dad – You did call and remind me to bring my key to your condo that you spent $200 to make that I haven't used once......sorry!

Danny – We drink skim milk in our house. You, as we know, picked up 2%.

Dr. Wolf’s Office- Yes, I am aware of our appointment on January, 4^th 2011 at 10:45am. For the record, I’m still in a lot of “general pain” if you want to change your mind about any of those prescriptions I asked for.

Blockbuster – WTF! I thought you had “no late fees.” What do you mean you’re automatically deducting my debit account? Shady ass false advertisers!!!!

My dear friend, Eric Johnston – Yes, I see the irony in you responding to my text, “Yay! You finally got text messaging!” with a phone call. I see the irony indeed.

Julianna – No, I don’t know a good a hair cut place in Bucktown. Unfortunately I know tons of bad ones…so let me know if you want the names of those.

Creepy sounding dude – You have the wrong ass number man. And for the record, that’s some fucked up shit. I hope I never run into you…..ever…..

My mother-in-law – No. I don’t have plans on Tuesday, March 15^th while you’re in Houston for a doctor’s appointment….so I guess I’ll see you, in like, ten minutes...