Financial Planning 101

Every month my financial planner mails me an "account statement" and every month I have no idea what any of this shit means. Is that normal? Am I supposed to know what a "cash equivalent" is because I don't.

Are there people in the world actually receiving mail like this and being all, "Hmmm. Good, Good. My net contributions look phenomenal this month."  (Actually, on 2nd thought, I do know someone who does that. His name is Ryan and he's my brother.)  

Here are some examples of the monthly literature I receive and my consequent thoughts that they tend to provoke;

Obviously this is a champagne problem. I mean, hopefully this means that when I'm old I'll have a 401K or a Roth IRA or, like, an old school saving bond to cash in on. But for the time being it just makes me feel not smart.

I obviously am smart though because when I get my US Weekly in the mail? I know that shit like the back of my hand.

Anyone feel me?