Chelsea Handler Book Signing

This weekend there was a Chelsea Handler book signing just miles from my house and so I attended accordingly. The signing was organized into groups - me conveniently being in the first group to get my book signed. When I arrived and saw the modest crowd I figured I'd be back home laying on my couch within 20 minutes.(My preferred weekend activity.)

Then at 2pm, the event start time, the following announcement was made to the line;

"Ughhh, hey everyone. We just want to manage your expectations. Chelsea's plane hasn't even arrived in Houston yet. We'll keep you updated."

Neat.

I told myself (and the girl next to me in line who I assumed cared about my personal plans) I'd give it 5 -10 minutes and if she wasn't en route within then, I'd go home and sign the book myself. I mean, it'd be cool to see Chelsea, but not "wait 3 hours" cool.

 

We received confirmation shortly after that, however, she was en route and would be there in 30 minutes-ish. Because it was a book signing I had reading material for the wait I decided to wait.

 

I was probably the 4th or 5th person to get my book signed by Chels. Here's the play-by-play of our interaction;

Chelsea: Hi! How are you?

Me: Good, thanks.

Chelsea: Are you coming to the show tonight?

Me: Uhh, no.....

 

(Awkwardness silence.)

 

Me: Good luck though.......  (super weird/dumb thing to say)

Chelsea: Okay. Have a good weekend.

 

End Scene.

 

I was in and out of the store within, no exaggeration, a minute in a half. It was a well oiled machine so that Chelsea could sign the 100+ books in surely less than 40 minutes. Everyone there had a post-it note inside their book with their name so she wouldn't have to do the whole "what's your name, how do you spell it? jargon.

 

Chelsea looked good. She looked fresh, skinny, and sober.  Her inscription to me did not.

 

 

Um...what?

 

 

Did any of you go to her show in Houston or any other city? I'd love to hear how it was if so! Talk to me people!

 

 

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THE BEST OF THE WORLD WIDE WEB

I've curated the internet for you as I do from time to time.

Please enjoy and have a cool weekend.

Lylas, Megan

Gwyneth gave an interview to The New Yorker about conscious uncoupling.

Holy shit Vanessa Hudgens! Have you seen her do this choreographed Beyoncé dance? So good and sexy in a soft porn type of way! Good for her.

The Domaine - a lifestyle website I've recently discovered and devoured. Especially the celebrity section.

My friend Lucy shared her wedding advice on the Langford Market blog this week. Read about her last minute drama (wtf!) and her tips for future brides.

I've been on a Howard Stern kick. This interview with Chelsea Handler from three weeks ago this one with my boyfriend Jonah Hill were both fascinating. Howard is a creep but he is the best celebrity interviewer fo sure.

Fellow bloggers - you'll want to check this article and this article about what to expect from the future of our industry. (Thank my blogger friend Tricia who sent them to me.)

My weekend plans of watching Sound City a documentary by Dave Grohl and The How I Met Your Mother Cast on Inside The Actors Studio. You watch too so I have someone to talk about it with.

 

 

photo credit here

 

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Conscious Uncoupling

 

 

Gwyneth Paltrow is everything. I'm not going to say "spirit animal" because that's a term that has become too popular and I have no idea it what it means but I just think she's cool. How's that?

 

Case in point - even the manner in which she gets divorced is cool. Just cavalierly releasing a statement on her blog (she's a blogger! bloggers are cool!) in conjunction with a truly through provoking piece on the concept of marriage.

 

While you can read it for yourself here, the jist is that marriage originated when humans were dying in their thirties. Now that we live four times as long, marriage is unrealistic. The article says that when marriage fails, we feel like we failed, but that's not the case. The game was rigged. It goes on to talk about bugs skeletons and stuff that is a little out there but as a whole I buy into the message.

 

This is not to say that I want to get divorced. Danny is hilarious and I feel lucky to have him. (Most days.) He recently "surprised me" by installing brown (think feces) blinds in our guest room and I hated marriage and him that day.

 

As we all do, I also reflect on the experiences of people close to me when deliberating my position on marriage;

  

-Danny was married for a year and then divorced right before he met me.

-My parents divorced recently after 35 years causing an onslaught of reflection - specifically on child rearing.

-Kim Kardashian and The Hump divorced.

 

I guess my thesis is that despite being a happily married person and a romantic comedy addict - I concede that marriage might be a tad ambitious as a concept. Is that weird?

 

What do you guys think of it conscious uncoupling? Is it a PR "masters class" by Paltrow's team? Or is Gwyneth genuinely on to something?

 

Let's talk about it. I have nothing else to do today.

 

 

P.S. Happy Birthday Allyson Fulcher! Muah!! XO

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What Macy Wore

Welcome to the inaugural post in a new Greetings from Texas blog series entitled What Macy Wore. It will be about, spoiler alert, what Macy wore. Although today's look is the manifestation of a recent pilgrimage to H&M, we have imminent collabs with some awesome kids lines/brands that we're all excited about. Or at least I'm excited about. While Macy has agreed to participate in her budding fashion career, she's made it clear that its a commitment that will come secondary to her true passion of throwing her toys in the toilet.

 

 

What Macy Wore
Long Sleeve Polka Dot Onesie, H&M (Also comes in short sleeve here)
Black Fedora (not kids item), H&M
Sparkled Boot, UGG

 

Until next time...

 

 

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BEFORE

 Annnnd another home make-over project begins. We need our own HGTV series over here. Just three months after our dining room makeover with Lulu & Georgia, we've decided that my office is the next 'room de resistance'. This weekend we cleared everything out which I documented accordingly.



Here's a pic of the room (and our house in general) to give you some context. 

This is actually a picture from the reality website that the house was listed on before we bought it.

The previous home owners used the space as an exercise room. We know because they told us fifty-four times. To the point where I was convinced this Vietnamese woman thought I was obese and dying from an elevated body mass index.  

"And dis room? Yoo Exercise!" she'd bellow while acting out key aerobic moves to make sure the message was not lost in the language barrier.

"Yes! I exercise" - I answered back doing a leg left to prove that I both understood and still had control over my limbs, despite her implications of me being so fat.

More riveting details on the makeover to come. I'll be filming a tour of the finished space with some cool people and brands so it's gonna be legit. Keep it tuned. 

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Weekend Playlist by my Boyfriend

Announcement. I am sexually attracted to Harry Connick Jr. 

 

Danny (who's that?) and I have been watching bits & pieces of Idol this season and wowza.

This sexual awakening has manifested itself in the only way it can when you're a married and have a crush on an A-list celebrity....... A playlist. 

 

On that note (ha! get it?) let's start your weekend off with a little bit of crooning.

 

Who else loves Harry? This is a pretty universal crush, right?

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Happy Birthday Macy

Today is Macy's half birthday. She's officially one and half. I'm thrilled as I've been telling people this was her age since she turned one. I've found that people respond negatively when you say your child is "one-ish" or "one and some change" but I personally reject this parental phenomenon of counting our kids' age in months. I mean really, who has the time (and mathematical aptitude) for such constant calculation. Not me. I have a blog to write. 

 Macy, as a toddler, is showing promise for a lot of exciting career paths.  Yesterday, for example, she demonstrated signs of becoming one of those competitive eating champions.  Upon locating and securing the familial candy bowl she consumed 8+ Hershey Nuggets (with almonds.)  At first I freaked out because I wasn't sure what the  unidentified brown substance was covering her body. My secondary concern was her dying from the chocolate bender but quickly remembered that's dogs (and diabetics) - not kids. I was then able to relax and took prolific video footage of her head-banging various toys in her collection. (2nd career option - mosh pit associate.)

We plan to celebrate Macy's birthday by building a fort, consuming cupcakes, and watching the movie Frozen. So much buzz about this film! I mean, I get it. That song is really good. It came on the radio in the car yesterday and I got embarrassingly emo and admittedly focused too much on the performance aspect of my vocal. But between the song, my boyfriend Jonah Hill being in it, (and in case you didn't hear me the first time, cupcakes), it should be an excellent evening.

More possible career options.

Left: Actress in something sad. The re-make of Beaches perhaps.    

Right: Cross fit champion.

Happy Birthday Macy! We love you so much!

 

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LOCAL SHOPS THAT CARRY MY BOOK

Announcement! My book 99 Problems But A Baby Ain't One is now available in a handful of brick and mortars in Houston! Allow me to divulge further about each respective location.

 

 

EMERSON ROSE

350 West 19th Street    Houston Heights Texas 77008

 What you need to know about Emerson Rose:

-I got this kimono there.

-It's RIGHT next door to the amazingness that is Torchy Tacos!

-It's not one of those stuffy boutiques where you need to have founded a successful Silicon Valley tech company in your early 20's in order to afford something.

 

 

BLUE WILLOW BOOKSHOP

14532 Memorial Drive  Houston, TX 77079

 What you should know about Blue Willow:

-It's the most magical, little bookstore I've ever seen. Think Meg Ryan's shop in You've Got Mail.

-They have a wonderful weekly storytime that Macy likes to misbehave at.

-Chelsea Handler is doing a book signing there on March 29th! I'm going and freaking out about it. 

 

 

 

BRAZOS BOOKSTORE

2421 Bissonnet Street  Houston, TX 77005 

 What you should know about Brazos Bookstore:

-They are right next door to the wonderfulness that is Buffalo Exchange!!

-This is where I had my Houston book signing - an event in which some people, I won't name names Danny, got "overserved".

-The atmosphere in Brazos is also really quaint and special. I might go there today as I'll be in the area and want to buy Cameron Diaz's Body Book. Also I want an excuse to go to Buffalo Exchange.

 

 

*Don't live in Houston but want my book? Move here! Or, perhaps a more convenient option, buy it on Amazon. (It comes in both paperback and kindle versions.) 

 

*Is this the first your hearing of my book despite my incessant mentions of it? This is the website for my book. Educate yourself and possibly choose it for your book club.

 

 

That's is for today. Seacrest Out.

 

 

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Enlightening Thoughts Regarding Bathing Suits

My cousin, Jessie, and I are nothing if not profound people.  We recently had a particularly enlightening conversation in which we solved some of life’s most arduous problems. I’ll share with you now in hopes you have the same “ah ha” moment we did.

The rhetoric went something like this;

Shopping for bathing suits is “the worst”.  We, as human beings, dread it. We’re pasty, we’re fat, we’re cold because (depending on where you reside) it’s still winter and stripping down in a dressing room may cause you to die of frostbite. Therefore, we as a species, put off bikini shopping.

But you know what? That just makes putting on your bathing suit for the first time that season that...much…worse. (That “first time”  for Jessie and I being our recent trip to FL where this respective conversation took place.)  

Therefore, buy a bathing suit now. Whether it’s one of above Marilyn inspired ones that I gravitate to or something you find independently, just buy it.  You still may not like your body when it comes time to debut it, but if you have something cute and that fits well – it will help the situation moderately.

Jessie and I then moved on to cure cancer, find the missing plane, and make pump cheese organic.

The End.

*Reader note There is a lot of negative body image talk in this post. I don’t mean to condone or perpetuate the negative rhetoric that we as women and society use.  My intention was solely to document the conversation verbatim. In which case I should mention there was a lot more 'totallys', 'likes', and 'for reals' voiced that I failed to record. Also, just for some extra context, we were drunk, in the pool, and wearing suits we did not like. 

COOL PEOPLE ONLY!

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-MARILYN INSPIRED SUITS-

 

-SUITS NOT PICTURED THAT I ALSO XO-

 

Bubbles Baby!

 

The band is back together again! After having the sweetest, sleepiest baby boy you could imagine, Paige and I got together last week to hang out and got in a quick photo sesh as well.

I wanted to shoot this kimono that I'd just purchased from Emerson Rose, my new favorite store in Houston. Upon buying it, the owner of the store told me that an ultra chic French woman had just bought purchased it as well. This was obviously the best thing that ever happened to me as it's a life long dream of mine to be both French and chic.

 Awake Photography

We've recently introduced bubbles to Macy and she's a fan. We've actually gone through four bottles since her bubbles awakening. But it's fine - I like bubbles too. More so than say, the Houston Children's Museum, which we frequented for the first time this weekend. I didn't share Macy's enthusiasm on that one. In fact, I found it to similar to what water boarding must be like. My teacher friend, Charlotte, tells me its because we chose to go on a rainy Saturday afternoon in the midst of Houston's Spring Break. I don't know though - I'm not returning to find out.

Secret Mothers Necklace c/o Moulton

-BUBBLES BABY!-

*I did find Macy's exact overalls here on Ebay.

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Kardashian Kids Line Review

BOOO! The Kardashian Kids Line was released to the Babies R Us website this morning and will be in their brick & mortars tomorrow. Don't get excited though because it's meh. Bible.

As a Kardashian connoisseur slash person that has a kid I was, dare I say, excited by the prospect of their line. I had visions of Macy struttin around in a t-shirts with my fave Kardash quotes like, "Sometimes a bitch snaps." (Khloe.) or "She is insane. I'm ready to shove a taco up her ass." (Kourtney.)

I'm underwhelmed though guys. It's just a bunch of leopard shit. And the butterfly print pieces are, um, not cute. 

I actually showed the line to Macy and this was her response.

I guess sometimes a bitch does indeed snap.

 

What do y'all think? Am I off?

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WEEKEND WEDDING

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Thanks Lucy & John for having us. We were honored to be there. Shout out to Table 5!


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CUTE GIFT IDEA!

I don't fancy myself a Martha Stewart or anything but I recently had an idea that I thought was pretty solid in regards to gift giving. While at Bloomys (former employer of Rachel Green) I bought two make-up bags to give as belated birthday presents - one for my Aunt and one for my friend Jill who hopefully isn't reading this. (Spoiler alert Jill - you're getting a make-up for your birthday!) 

Thinking the make-up bag was cute but underwhelming on its own - I filled each one with goodies.When I was done and proud of the domestic goddess that I'd become, I'd wished I'd bought more to have on hand. Maybe my gifts would no longer be belated. Plus make-up bags are the best! In addition to using them for travel, I use smaller ones to organize my purse - one for makeup, one for pens and sharpies, one for street drugs and weapons.

So that's my big idea guys. Martha Stewart, eat your heart out. Friends of mine, expect a make-up bag if your having a birthday soon. Please act surprised.

-CUTE MAKE-UP BAGS FOR UNDER $30-

ICE BLUE BABY

All right stop collaborate and listen.

Lupita wore blue and made it glisten.

 

Her dress grabbed the world so tightly

Now ice blue is everywhere, daily and nightly.

 

Will it ever stop yo, I don't know.

Just buy this blue shit, and I'll be rollin in dough.

 

Vanilla ice blue Baby, too cold too cold.

Vanilla ice blue baby, too cold too cold.

-SHOP ICE BLUE BABY- 

 

Additional Shopping Sources
*Cleopatra Stud Earrings - Chalcedony,  Meg Biram
*Leather Flat Sandal, Zara
*Cropped Top, Zara

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Announcement Regarding My Hair

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT GUYS!

 

ready???

I've decided to copy Kylie Jenner's hair!!!!!!!

(Brandi - if you're reading this, let's book this shit!)

For those of you who don't know who Kylie is (in which case I'm judging you) she is the youngest sister of the Kardashian klan. A Jenner/Kardashian hybrid if you will.

I've always thought Kendall's style was covetable and occasionally check her TMBLR page but her new do' (sans extensions and subtle ombre) is the cats meow. I might even grow out my bangs a bit, an unprecedented move for me, to really go full blown doppleganger.

Keep up the good work Kylie! For the rest of you, stay tuned. I'll be sure to document this transition in which I become one step closer to becoming a Kardashian.

P.S. To see other cool hair of mine, click here!

And now, let's get some participation going in the comments!!  Whose Kardashian style do you think is best? Kim, Kourt, Khloe, Kendall, or Kylie? Or me, KMegan?

 

 

all photos from Kylie's TMBLR except this one which was on pinterest

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Outlet Mall Megan

Greetings from Florida! Or perhaps more accurately, Greetings from the Outlet Mall, in Florida! I've been there a total of three times now. Once on a solo mission, once with my cousin, and once with my other cousin. They basically know me up there or at least the people at Auntie Ann's do.

The thing is, the outlet mall is only 3 minutes away from my Dad's neighborhood. It's highly convenient.  And it boast stores like The Kate Spade outlet, the Bloomys outlet, the Jcrew outlet!! You basically go up there and bleed money!

This Derek Lam top was one of my many finds at the outlet mall. Originally $300 bucks and I got it for $69 which was amazing for a multitude of reasons.

Alright, that's all for this post. I have to go back to the outlet store. Later gators.

//Photos by world famous photographer, Jessica Halpin// 

 

-OUTLET MALL TWINSIES!!!-